I hate toilet paper.

Well, okay, I'd rather not go without it, but man, why does it have to be so annoying? Is there no "perfect" brand? I think we've tried them all at some point or another. And strangely, this is not about soft versus, err, un-soft. This is about everything else.

Ever try to blow your nose with toilet paper? Of course you have. Ever notice how some brands seem to generate all sorts of "dust" into the air when you do? I hate that stuff. You're breathing all those fibers in when you inhale during a nose blowing session. Yuck.

Then there's my most recent peeve, and that's with the glue holding the roll together when you first go to use it. Seems like lately the brand we normally use is using WAY more glue than normal. It doesn't seep in past the first layer, but it's a HUGE spot of glue. You tear and tear and tear and end up with little bits of paper all over the floor before you can get that layer started. DRIVES ME INSANE. I just want to wipe! Does it have to be this annoying?!?

And then you've got some brands where I swear the stuff is so thick that a roll lasts no time, then some so thin it lasts forever. Here's the thing...when the paper is that thin, well, I don't want it to last forever! Ca piche? Too thick can surprise you such that you pull off a strip of it only to find that when you wad it up you've got an entire tree in your hand. Ugh. Why can't we get an international standard for toilet paper? Someone start a consortium or something.

Groundhog!

Looks like we've got our own groundhog at the Carefree Ranch.

Interestingly, I found that they are considered "game animals." That means proper hunting licensing laws apply. In this case the season is "open", meaning this sucker is in jeopardy. Except I kind of dig watching him forage around. He's been around on the flood plain the last couple days quite a lot of the time.

This image was taken with a 400mm zoom lens from my office window. A tripod would be necessary to get it any clearer, which I may do. He's a little too sensitive for me to get him outside easily, but he seems new to the area, so perhaps he'll acclimate some to the noise from the house and I can sneak up on him outside for a little better shot. Err, with the camera! Shot with the camera! *cough*

What is important in a hotel?

Okay, I feel the need to wax philosophic about what is really important in a hotel. Why? Because I think I might be a little weird in my priorities, and I wonder if there are folks out there who might be stranger than me. I doubt it. Here's my priority list.

First, clean. Okay, obvious. Everyone probably agrees.

Second, bed. Hampton Inn wins on this one for "normal" hotels. Most probably agree on this one, too.

Next comes the shower head. I hate a low one. Too many hotels, especially the really old ones, no matter how nice, have shower heads about five feet high. Drives me insane. I really wish travel places would list shower head heights for hotels.

Next we have the space in the bathroom. Again, old hotels can be insanely posh, but most have tiny bathrooms. It was a different era, but I hate it when there's hardly any counter space (especially when you're not the only one in the room). I really hate it when you can't get dressed without bumping into the toilet. Those of you who haven't traveled much to big old cities might not believe me, but trust me when I say there are a lot of hotels out there that are very nice, very expensive, and have a bathroom the size of a postage stamp.

Having no exhaust fan in the bathroom is a big let-down, too. Nothing is more annoying than starting to sweat when you get dressed in the bathroom thanks to a lack of ventilation. It's only a minor annoyance that the mirror fogs up, but the sweating thing? I hate it.

Good air conditioning is important. Most have this, though I occasionally get a room where it won't quite get cold enough. I'm really picky in this regard, though, and probably unfairly so. But what really bugs me is when the AC controls won't let me turn the fan to "on" instead of "auto." I like the air noise. A lot. So much so that when I road trip I take a "white noise" machine with me just in case. But it's a little cumbersome on airplane trips, so I make do with my laptop as a white noise generator, but it's just not the same.

That's pretty much all I want a hotel to definitely have. Internet? Nope, don't care. TV? Don't care much about that, either. I do appreciate other amenities when they exist, but I'm talking about bare essentials here.

Some hotels have things I don't want, too. Like when they only have valet parking. It can be extremely inconvenient, not to mention expensive. Or when they pretty much won't let you handle your own luggage. Sometimes that's nice (like when you're on a long trip with kids), but most of the time I'd just assume carry my own luggage. It's not that I'm cheap, it's just that it's not worth it to me to have to tip some dude to do something that I could have just as easily done myself. I also don't like it when the maids go out of their way to bug me that my Do Not Disturb sign was out all day. I know! It's one thing to annoy you the first time you do it. But every day? That's right, I typically don't need my hotel room cleaned, oh, ever. I'm a fairly neat person, I recycle towels well, and I'm not afraid to ask for a couple more towels when I need them.

It sort of amazes me when "resorts" charge for every last little thing. Isn't the catch with a resort supposed to be that you have everything you need in one place? And they're already expensive because of that. Why do most of them feel the need to rip you off even further? I guess it's because there are enough morons out there who will pay it, but it seems crazy. I've stayed at "resorts" where the Internet was $15 per day. The fitness room? $15 per VISIT. A couple eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and toast? $25. Valet parking? $25 per day. A pack of M&M's from your mini-bar? $5. Unbelievable.

Maybe I'm just simple. I prefer a nice clean room, comfortable bed, good shower with some floor and counter space and a fan in it, and nobody bugging me to help me with stuff I don't need. Good Internet, TV, and fitness room is a very nice bonus. Why is that so hard?

Product Description of the day!

Okay, this is just funny:

Routine and responsibility are for schmucksunless the routine involves surfing. The Reef Drifter Board Shorts are totally down with your wandering ways. Their flying skull and Reef screen prints keep your beach-bummin' style up to par, and the Lycra fly won't harsh your junk's mellow.

Are you a single chick flying on Southwest?

If so, prepare yourself properly for what might lie ahead. Know the signs!

Yes, I'm stuck in the car randomly surfing stuff. This was found because I now "follow" Southwest Airlines on Twitter. They post random funny stuff like this, along with important stuff like travel weather advisories.

I'm not cool enough to be a Mac person?

Huh? Oh, no, I'm not talking about me. I'm definitely cool enough to be a Mac person. Especially since I don't think you have to be cool to be a Mac person.

But apparently Microsoft is now targeting customers who "don't think [they're] cool enough to be a Mac person." That's the line in their latest advertisement, anyway. To me that says "if you are insecure, we want YOU as our customer!" Doesn't it? Most of the commercial is really about how much more Mac laptops cost than PC laptops, I know. But that part just struck me as really odd.

As for the cost thing, well, all I'm going to say about that is you get what you pay for.

UPDATE: I hate doing updates to existing blog posts, but it hasn't been long since I posted this and then I ran across this article about this same ad spot. Sheds a little more light, but doesn't change my initial point about Microsoft leaving that bit in the ad about her not being "cool enough."

It's a conspiracy, man!

Why does every strip mall, no matter how small, have a Chinese buffet restaurant in it?